I’ve been single for just about exactly a year now.
I’m pleased to report that the (emotional) wounds of that relationship, and of its termination, are healing nicely. Still there, but healing. And healing in a way that makes me better than before, because I have learned so much in this healing process.
I understand now, for example, how I could have kidded myself into believing so much of someone on so little evidence, with so many clues that I was dead, dead wrong. I understand how I managed to fall in love with an illusion, and to keep that illusion alive and strong for such a very long, long time. I understand not just how I did it, but also why.
I still feel plenty of anger. But these days, I feel less disappointment. Less sorrow. Less grief. Less doubt. I realise that what I lost never really existed, except in my head and heart. Realising this, I know that I have nothing to regret. I have no reason to look back, except to remember and to learn.
Slowly, I am learning to forgive myself.
[Image: healing doll produced by this amazing artist Barb Kobe.]