Tonight a (male) friend came round for dinner and afterwards, with Baby M safely tucked up in bed and the washing up done, we ended up – don’t ask me how, it had to do with Baby M and how I hoped she wouldn’t grow up to be a pornstar – having a discussion about the evils of pornography.

This led on to a conversation about how pornography is not the same as proper sexuality, except that it is becoming omnipresent and thus de facto descriptive and representative of the only sexuality people can imagine these days and therefore it more or less is the same as “real” sexuality, only it shouldn’t be and if you want to have a genuinely fulfilling sex life you should reject it… Are you following this? I think he was, after a fashion… And all this led to a final revelation that if you aren’t sure how to please your woman (“lady” ugh!) in bed, you should turn not to lady-pleasing docu-pornography – because there is no such thing – but to the ancient art of opening-your-mouth-and-asking-her-what-she-wants-you-to-do.

I could almost feel him taking notes, which amused me slightly. What was so telling was not that my friend was hostile to the ideas I put forward, but that they were so new, so revelatory to him. Perhaps I will make a feminist of him yet – but I think it might be a long haul!

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