Morning

Go to seminar about customer treatment.

Get fed up of counting the number of times the man giving the seminar refers to customers as “he” or “Joe Public”, “Mr Public” or “Joe Bloggs” by the time I get to half a dozen in the first twenty minutes. It’s not like we sell penis-extenders, you know? Women are customers too!

Count instead the number of times he says “or she”. Once – with a mumble and a slightly sheepish look, on noticing that all the people he is addressing are in fact female.

Note amusedly that according to our leader here, the principle “Love thy neighbour” translates into numerous rules like “Don’t steal your neighbour’s car” and “Don’t sleep with your neighbour’s wife” – because, yes, all of us women in the seminar were gagging to sleep with our neighbours’ wives.

So anyway, what exactly are the implications of that sentence? That your neighbour is necessarily a straight, married, car-owning man; that your male neighbour is the one whom you should love, his wife being secondary (the rule is not, for example, that you shouldn’t sleep with your neighbour in case it causes ructions with her partner); that you need not love thy neighbour’s wife, for she is secondary and is of less worth than is thy neighbour; that sleeping with his wife is broadly equivalent to stealing his car; in effect, that she is his chattel. Not to be coveted and all that. Grrr.

Lunch

Sweltering heat. Go to buy icecreams. Reel in horror at the sight of Yorkie ice cream bars:

I had naively assumed that even the evil Nestle must have got rid of this stupid sexist “Not for girls” marketing slogan years ago. Shows what I know. They are still going strong, and proud of their men-only branding idea – “because, in today’s society, there aren’t many things that a man can look at and say that’s for him“. Yeah, right.

Buy Cadbury’s fudge cones instead. Hey, nobody tell me that Cadbury’s are evil, OK? Green & Blacks don’t do ice-cream yet.

Afternoon

Retire to the air-conditioned haven of my desk and play with spreadsheets for the rest of the day, as a substitute for real work.

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