I’m not sure why I like Steve Yabsley’s show, on local radio, but I do.

It is completely inane. Sometimes I’m not sure whether it is incisive and brilliant comedy or just a complete load of rubbish. Sometimes I’m not sure that Yabsley himself knows. But it’s great!

Listeners are, for example, regularly asked to carry out such tasks as:

  • Make up a short poem about paperclips.
  • Write an advertising jingle to sell kippers.
  • Suggest a theme tune that could be used if Prime Minster’s Questions was turned into an Australian soap opera.
  • Identify a mystery person from clues such as “He had a dog” or “She was fond of wearing big hats”

(The mystery person game is a regular. It wins a prize for the MOST annoying jingle on radio ever. Except maybe the “car boot sale” jingle I dimly remember from younger, Radio-1-listening days…)

Other phone-in themes might include:

  • Which sandwich filling is better: cheese and pickle, or cheese and cucmber?
  • If you were a Dalek, where would you go on your holidays?
  • If you threw a banana off the Eiffel Tower, how far away would it land?

Sometimes there are prizes. Currently, the usual prize is a penguin – the chocolate biscuit, not the black and white aquatic bird. This may not sound like much but, considering the previous regular prize was a KitKat (made by babykilling Nestle), what would you rather have?

Go on, have a go. You know you want to.


For the record:

1. Here is a poem about paperclips (it’s well up to the usual Yabsley standard, I promise):

Paprclips are shiny
Paperclips are neat
They clip your notes together
But they don’t have any feet

2. Here is an advertising jingle about kippers:

Kippers: the smoke you can believe in.

3. A theme for Prime Minster’s Questions – hmm, I don’t think we could beat the original Neighbours theme tune, now I think about it. With a close up of Nos 10 and 11 Downing Street, and some shots of Gordy and Tone playing in sprinkler spray or drinking in Lou’s pub.

4. The mystery person. As usual, I haven’t a clue. Maybe the man is Colombo. He had a basset hound thing, as I recall. Maybe the woman is Audrey Hepburn. As in Breakfast at Tiffanys: that was some hat thing, wasn’t it? Plus her co-star was Hannibal out of The A Team, and you can’t beat that for quality. See? I’m turning into Yabsley.

5. It depends on the weather. Cheese and pickle is better for cooler weather, especially if it is a toasted sandwich. On a hot day it has to be cheese and cucumber.

6. Russia.

7. 43 feet.