Why I still breastfeed my four-year-old
Friends may think it’s freaky, says Annalisa Barbieri, but why should I stop when it’s good for my daughter?
(Irish Independent)
Re-published in the Daily Mail today.
Featuring in the comments section for both – all the usual stupid bigotry.
| She’s going to make her child too clingy, kids need to learn independence and self-reliance to survive in the modern world! |
| Translation: I have very little experience with children who have breastfed longer term, so I don’t know that the security and comfort of the breast can actually make them more independent and confident than less. Nor has it occurred to me that it is the naturally less secure children who decide they need the breast for longer, because I would prefer to assume that it is giving the breast for longer that causes a child to feel insecure, because I haven’t actually thought about this very deeply, have I? |
| She’s just doing it for herself! It’s the mother who needs this, not the child! |
| Translation: I have no idea why she’s doing it, and I don’t know anything about the benefits of longer term breastfeeding, so I’m going to assume that she is doing it for unfathomable selfish reasons. I probably also believe in early weaning so that the mother / father can regain control of the breasts instead of having to make them available to her infant child, in which case the contradictory nature of my arguments has not occurred to me and probably never will. I probably also think that breastfeeding is disgusting and/or unpleasant full stop, even though I probably will not admit it. |
| There’s plenty of real food in the shops, the child doesn’t need this! |
| Translation: I don’t know much about the benefits of breastmilk because I’ve never stopped to consider or find out about the ongoing nutritional, immunological and emotional benefits of continued breastfeeding. |
| It’s just weird! I totally agree with breastfeeding up to 6 months / 8 months / 1 year / 2 years / until the baby has teeth / whatever, but anything past that is freaky! |
| Translation: I feel uncomfortable with anyone making choices different from the choices that I have made and/or think I would make if I were in the situation.I probably also think that breastfeeding is disgusting and/or unpleasant full stop, even though I will not admit it. |
| It’s unnatural! |
| Translation: I have no idea what I’m talking about and in particular am not aware that the natural duration of breastfeeding is somewhere between 2 and 7 years or that most children around the world are in fact breastfed for that length of time. |
| We’re not in the Stone Age / Third World! |
| Translation: I believe that white western humans have evolved to the point where their offspring have different developmental milestones and different nutritional needs and/or I believe that white western humans have through the power of technology managed to produce food for children that is in fact better than and/or at least equivalent to the breastmilk that nature designed and that is made in women’s bodies. |
| It’s because she hasn’t got a man! |
| Translation: I have no idea why she’s doing it! I believe breasts are for men and sex and am somewhat uncomfortable with breastfeeding because I associate breasts with sex, not with childcare. |
| It’s practically child sex abuse! |
| Translation: I believe breasts are for men and sex and am somewhat uncomfortable with breastfeeding because I associate breasts with sex, not with childcare. |
| She’s obviously manipulating her child into doing this, no child wants to breastfeed at that age. |
| Translation: I have no idea what I’m talking about and I have no idea why she’s doing this. I don’t know any children who want to breastfeed at this age. |
| That poor child is going to be so embarrassed at school – won’t her friends bully her for still being such a baby? |
| Translation: It hasn’t occurred to me that the child might be the one who wants to breastfeed or that the school friends might not even know about a continuing bed time snugglefeed, or that the child might decide to stop if peer pressure from schoolfriends comes to outweigh the attraction of Teh Breast, or that it might be OK for a child to be making these decisions for him- or herself. |
| Just because the child wants it is no reason to give in! You wouldn’t hand out sweets on demand, would you? |
| Translation: I know nothing about breastmilk and incorrectly assume that it is bad for you, like sweets. |
| So is she going to feed her child at school? Will she be packing a bottle of expressed milk in her secondary school lunchbags? How does she get anything done with a child permanently up her jumper? Certainly there’s no way she can have sex if she is still breastfeeding! Snigger! |
| Translation: I have no experience of children who have breastfed longer term and have no idea how such families live their lives or how long term breastfeeding actually works in practice. I like making puerile jokes though, and I’ve definitely seen Little Britain. |
Summary translation:
“I think longer term breastfeeding is wrong” = “I don’t know what I’m talking about”
Accuracy = 99%
15 November 2007 at 10:11 am
yes…people are bloody idiots in general aren’t they? I feel a post coming on…
16 November 2007 at 5:17 am
Bravo!
16 November 2007 at 8:19 pm
Erika’s post
20 November 2007 at 2:13 am
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5 March 2008 at 11:57 am
That’s a great article – but what are the positive reasons, the advantages of doing it? I know about the immunities side of things, but are there other benefits?
5 March 2008 at 8:04 pm
Ah well, Matt I wrote you a long reply listing all the benefits (health, emotional, practical) that I could think of off the top of my head. There were a lot.
Then my computer ate it
I can’t be bothered typing it again but if you are keen to know more I suggest you try goggling Kellymom and La Leche League, both very informative pro-breastfeeding sites.
8 December 2008 at 4:38 am
I find the translations in this to be offensive, I am currently reading up on breastfeeding because i support my wife but I haven’t felt comfortable her bfing into toddlerdom. and the translation regarding that acts like i’m self centered. my problem is I was “NEVER” exposed to bfing until my first child was born… Cut people some slack and don’t be so gung ho against people not being perfectly alright. sorry for the spiel but i hate things that look one sided
8 December 2008 at 7:41 pm
Dave – I do not really care how offensive you find this. I will cut the anti-breastfeeding majority some slack when extended breastfeeding is perfectly normal and not the subject of extended Daily Mail slagging sessions. Until then, if breastfeeding is something that makes you feel uncomfortable, then your solution is not to get offended at “one-sided” posts like mine, but to resolve your own issues. I am not going to pussy foot around you while you overcome your upbringing and get “comfortable” with the way that we and many other families (albeit not many enough) live their lives. Not many of us were exposed to breastfeeding either. If we can overcome the anti-breastfeeding culture and the anti-breastfeeding propaganda, you can too.
Oh, and – if you think you are self-centred? remember it’s you who said it, not me.
4 March 2009 at 10:59 pm
Your translations are ridiculously juvenile and inaccurate.
Just because someone disagrees with you, it doesn’t mean that they “Don’t know what they’re talking about”, OR ” Think of breasts as sexual objects for men to look at”.
I’m sure it makes you feel MUCH better to act like everyone who disagrees is “ignorant” and “uneducated” about breastfeeding.
Well EXCUSE ME for not wanting a 2 to 7 year old suckling at my breasts. It’s just not necessary at this stage in a child’s life.
I weaned my first child at 12 months and I’m proud of it. He’s absolutely beautiful, intelligent, and hasn’t had any colds or ear infections. A year of breastfeeding is enough for most people.
Not EVERYONE is going to agree with your extremist views, so get used to it.
P.S. Work on your translating skills, because you obviously have no idea what YOU are talking about when it comes to interpreting others and their feelings about breastfeeding.
5 March 2009 at 7:59 pm
Ellen –
In principle it is true that just because two people disagree it doesn’t mean that one is right and the other doesn’t know what they are talking about.
HOWEVER if someone makes assertions that are demonstrably untrue and clearly based on ignorance or prejudice – like “no child wants to breastfeed at age 2!” or “breastfeeding past 12 months is just unnatural!” – then that person clearly DOESN’T know what they are talking about. I know many children who want and enjoy breastfeeding past the age of 2; and I know that the scientific evidence available shows that breastfeeding beyond the age of, say, 12 months IS perfectly natural and indeed very beneficial. My views are based on experience and evidence. The views expressed by the people whose comments are summarised in my post are based on ignorance and/or prejudice. They really *don’t* know what they are talking about.
I don’t criticise a person who decides that THEY don’t want to breastfeed past a certain age. I don’t criticise you for breastfeeding for 12 months and then deciding that enough is enough. Your breasts, your choice. In fact I support anyone who breastfeeds for any length of time – and 12 months is indeed a good age in the general scheme of things. At the risk of sounding a bit patronising – well done you. You have every right to be proud of your achievement. If you didn’t want to go on indefinitely it really doesn’t offend or upset me in the least.
But this cuts both ways. Just because you don’t want a 4 year old nursing, doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with someone who is quite happy for their 4 year old to nurse. My breasts, my choice. I let you do your thing, you let me do my thing. Extended breastfeeding does no harm (in fact it’s quite good for both partners, according to all the scientific evidence available) so what’s the problem?
My problem is not with people who choose not to breastfeed as long as I have. My problem is with the ill-informed and unpleasant remarks made about people like me which are based, as I have said, on ignorance and/or prejudice.
And, for what it’s worth, there were people in the particular thread I am talking about who would have been gunning for you too.
7 March 2009 at 4:25 am
Sorry if I came across as rude earlier. I made the assumption that you would be against weaning a child at 12 months.
I have a friend who actually tried to give me a guilt trip for weaning my son! She breastfed her 3 year old daughter at the time and tried to ram her “child-led weaning is best” beliefs down my throat. She would say things like “Your son could be more likely to get an respiratory infection and die if you wean him now”
Needless to say, it made me furious that she would say something so morbid to me as if I were “killing” my baby. It was a heated argument and we ended up not speaking to each other for a long time.
I’m sensitive about this topic, I feel like my parenting skills are being insulted and so it causes me to become defensive. I love my child to death and feel like I did the right thing by weaning him (he was starting to loose interest in the breast anyways and usually would rather drink grape juice out of a sippy cup).
So I’m sorry that I lashed out at you…
I guess you have your reasons.Your child, your breasts.
Not something I would do, but it’s your life.
Take care
8 March 2009 at 7:22 pm
No way was I insulting your parenting! (or anyone else’s for that matter) – just defending my own.
Apologies accepted